{"id":5086,"date":"2025-02-22T14:26:00","date_gmt":"2025-02-22T13:26:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/?p=5086"},"modified":"2025-02-26T06:18:43","modified_gmt":"2025-02-26T05:18:43","slug":"kandide-et-les-bonbons","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/kandide-et-les-bonbons\/","title":{"rendered":"Kandide et les bonbons"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" src=\"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-1024x768.jpeg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-5096\" srcset=\"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-1024x768.jpeg 1024w, https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-300x225.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-768x576.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-1536x1151.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-2048x1535.jpeg 2048w, https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-content\/uploads\/IMG_3113-scaled.jpeg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Je suis d\u00e9sormais adulte et je snobe les c\u00e2lins maternels au profit des cadeaux de Pommes-Carottes, alias M\u00e8re-No\u00ebl. Avez-vous d\u00e9j\u00e0 crois\u00e9 ce bip\u00e8de, mi-F\u00e9e Carabosse, mi-distributeur de friandises, qui s&rsquo;octroie l\u2019amour et l&rsquo;ob\u00e9issance des poulains \u00e0 grands renforts de de grattouilles, de nounours et de licols \u00e0 paillettes?<br>Ma pauvre maman, tu me regardes et tu te demandes s&rsquo;il est trop tard pour te d\u00e9mener : Toilettage mutuel, galops \u00e9ducatifs, des t\u00e9moignages d&rsquo;amour. Et pourtant j&rsquo;ai l&rsquo;esprit ailleurs et je flaire, je d\u00e9busque le sucre et je me carapate \u00e0 chaque occasion avec Pomme-carottes.. Pourquoi m\u2019emb\u00eater avec tes le\u00e7ons de politesse et tes reproches, tes \u00ab mange tes fanes de carotte! \u00bb alors que la providentielle Pommes-carottes me lisse le poil \u00e0 l&rsquo;envi, flatte mon ego et me susurre en souriant :<br> &#8211; Viens, Bichon, prends une pomme et une poire, on va jouer et s&rsquo;en contre-balance, de ta vieille daronne g\u00e2teuse. Ce qui m&rsquo;arrive, c\u2019est un peu comme le syndrome de Stockholm, mais dans sa version \u00e9dulcor\u00e9e: je r\u00eave d\u00e9sormais de troquer mon pr\u00e9 \u00e0 perte de vue contre une prison dor\u00e9e toute remplie de pommes, de carottes et de cadeaux au quotidien, quitte \u00e0 me soumettre.<br>Pommes-carottes est un fin limier et elle sait y faire: elle observe, elle gratouille, elle gave:<br>\u2013 Pauvre Bichon, tu es affam\u00e9, prends une carotte et un bonbon aux herbes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Et moi, en ventre \u00e0 pattes qui se respecte, je collectionne les friandises comme d\u2019autres bip\u00e8des amasseraient les troph\u00e9es.<br>&#8211; Toi, sa m\u00e8re, avec ton amour d\u00e9sint\u00e9ress\u00e9, tu ne fais plus le poids face \u00e0 cette arrivante et son avalanche de largesses. C\u2019est la guerre larv\u00e9e des \u00ab\u00a0m\u00e8res nourrici\u00e8res\u00a0\u00bb et Pommes-Carottes est class\u00e9e favorite : elle dispose de l\u2019artillerie lourde avec ses tonnes de friandises, de poires et de mashes app\u00e9tissants&#8230; donc en comparaison de tes c\u00e2lins\u2026 maman, reconnais que tu es hors jeu.<br>Attendons un peu de voir, se dit la m\u00e8re. Lorsque les poches de Pommes-Carottes seront d\u00e9sesp\u00e9r\u00e9ment vides, les friandises englouties et les batteries de cette \u00ab\u00a0M\u00e8re-No\u00ebl\u00a0\u00bb bien \u00e0 plat, vers qui Kandide, reviendra peut-\u00eatre tout penaud &#8230; Possiblement vers sa vraie m\u00e8re, celle qui l\u2019a d\u00e9fendu contre les bip\u00e8des violents, contre les chiens mordeurs, sans jamais lui tendre une carotte int\u00e9ress\u00e9e avec contrepartie? Car Pommes-Carottes oeuvre lentement, mais s\u00fbrement, pour te phagocyter un jour, Kandide et tu seras enferm\u00e9 sans m\u00eame en avoir conscience, dans un box dor\u00e9, 23h\/24, asservi, aveugl\u00e9 par des douceurs et les friandies\u2026 loin de ta m\u00e8re, la vraie, C\u00e2line, toujours l\u00e0, in\u00e9branlable et d\u00e9finitivement libre mais qu&rsquo;on aura eloign\u00e9e de toi pour mieux te dompter.<br>Mieux vaut en sourire \u00e0 ce stade: Kandide qui c\u00e8de au chant des sir\u00e8nes sucr\u00e9es !!! L&rsquo;amour d\u2019une m\u00e8re ne s\u2019ach\u00e8te pas \u00e0 grands renforts de pommes et de sucreries. Un jour, tu y verras clair, petit scarab\u00e9e \u2026 ou peut-\u00eatre pas ..parce qu&rsquo;il sera trop tard. <br>En attendant, profite et ris de ce spectacle, ta m\u00e8re te garde une botte de foin et une place sous l&rsquo; abri: tu peux partir et revenir \u00e0 ta guise.<br>Billet pour mon fils Kandide. C\u00e2line<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Je suis d\u00e9sormais adulte et je snobe les c\u00e2lins maternels au profit des cadeaux de Pommes-Carottes, alias M\u00e8re-No\u00ebl. Avez-vous d\u00e9j\u00e0 [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":7,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,38],"tags":[1269],"class_list":["post-5086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-efdb","category-uvdc","tag-mere-noel"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/7"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5086"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5086\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/aequus.fr\/journaldebord\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}